started to read the daily gospels again yesterday
i used to do it all the time, and i miss it, but don’t really know what i am looking for.
there was a time when i thought all the answers were there.
i found the evil bits more embarassing then because i felt like i had to defend them. now i just don’t know why i would subject myself to them. i’m not trying to redeem the bible anymore or prove the evil it has done is a “bad interpretation”
i remember reading with the fear of what would come next, because i believed that i had to accept it whatever it was. got good at mental gymnastics to make things ok, and compartmentalizing to keep some things out of consciousness until someone would ask do you really believe that? and i would feel sick to my stomach as i said yes
July 7, 2009 at 7:18 pm
still believe the evil in our world the work of Satan. I believe God calls us to fight with our lives for His kingdom We all wrestle…my prayer is that you will wrestle and come closer to God as the outcome
July 8, 2009 at 11:15 pm
thanks for your prayers. i too believe in wrestling. my goal would be to be more able to be close to the world around me and the people in it. if that also makes me closer to god, bonus. i think that would be my dream.
however, if the evil in the work is the work of satan, then i have to think that the bible has often been one of his favorite tools. in trying to defend the bible, to others and myself, i have implicitly and explicitly defended things that i never want to defend again
the idea of the kingdom of god would be one example. where somehow there is a chosen people that gets to be on the side of the supreme king and gets the almighty stamp of approval. thankfully a lot of christianities have pictured the supreme dictator as benevolent and demanding benevolence which provides some harm reduction, but still replaces the more warlike versions of conquering the world for christ with more paternalistic and culture destroying missionary efforts.